Shots

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. She starts talking
About this really great new drink. After a while he gives in and lets her
Order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the

Following items on the bar:
A salt shaker,
a shot of Baileys,
and a shot of
Lime juice.

The woman explains. First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next
You drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you
Drink the lime juice."

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.

He puts the salt on his tongue.salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys..
Very pleasant, holding it in his mouth. He thinks...this is OK.

Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.


In one second the sharp lime taste hits.
At two seconds the Baileys curdles.
At three seconds the salty, curdled taste and mucous-like consistency hits.
At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.


This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.


When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Good
God!!! What do you call that drink?"

She smiles at him and says, "Blow Job Revenge."

An Irish Love Story

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the
door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite scones.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture.
His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon ......
........
........
SOD off' she said, 'they're for the funeral.'

Dr poo

I was working in a doctor's surgery a few weeks back, summarising patients' records and updating their database for the new contract (the fun things they make medical students do...)

Anyway, went into the only staff toilet amongst a dozen folk to find a HUGE (and I mean Michelle McManus size) torpedo lying in wait. Now, being the sensitive soul I am, I have a thing against pooing on someone elses property. So it was a case of either pooing in the bin or flushing. Well,.... three flushes later it was still there. Finally got rid of it with a flush and a makeshift javelin made from the toiletbrush.. The doctor's must've wondered why I flushed about 5 times in total...

On top of that, it was actually a pretty impresive smell too...